Computer Jokes | Geek Jokes

 

• There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't
• If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0
• I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
• Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
• In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
• Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk
• I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
• The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX
• A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
• Unix, DOS and Windows...the good, the bad and the ugly
• A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
• The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
• UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
• C://dos
  C://dos.run
  run.dos.run
• You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
• JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
• 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
• Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
• Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
• It's not bogus, it's an IBM standard
• Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
• The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are
• Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers
• The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers
• If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture
• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
• LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
• The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program
• Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping
• Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
• boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts
• We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted
• If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBO
• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner
• Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut
• Unrecognized input, get out of the class
• Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !
• WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER
• Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
• Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression
• Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is "c:\> hack into fbi"
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
• I survived an NT installation
• The name is Baud......James Baud
• My new car runs at 56Kbps
• Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Cannot read data, leech the next boy's paper? (Y/N)
• CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?
• Windows: Just another pane in the glass
• Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
• RAM disk is not an installation procedure
• Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
• The truth is out there...anybody got the URL?
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
• E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage
• Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
• All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
• Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue
• Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the 'OK' button to continue
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
• Press every key to continue
• Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where's that 'any key'..
• Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!
• Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources
• To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so
• (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing
• Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS
• (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
• Computers can never replace human stupidity
• A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)
• (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
• Bugs come in through open Windows
• Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun
• Unix is user friendly...its just selective about who its friends are
• Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity
• Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
• To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password.
• Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )
• FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink
• I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore
• Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning
• Black holes are where God divided by zero
• Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
• Thank god, my baby just compiled
• Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output
• Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously
• Zap! And there was the blue screen !
• Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)
• MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam
• A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don't use them
• PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days
• 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
• 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied
• Error message: "Out of paper on drive D:"
• If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!
• A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
• "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
• Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface
• Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam
• Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall
• Real programmers can write assembly code in any language
• Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it
• Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?
• Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?
• All computers run at the same speed... with the power off
• You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out
• Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.
• Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel
• Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet
• Shut up, or i'll flush you out
• Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour
• We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal
• You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.
• I'm sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you
• Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway
• Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?
• If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don't understand the question
• Having soundcards is nice... having embedded sound in web pages is not
• My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half
• You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old
• Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours
• I'm sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)
• Ah, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering
• What color do you want that database?
• C++ is a write-only language. I can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them
• As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code
• earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can
• A typical yahoo chat room: "A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out.."
• When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop
• Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue
• Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product
• NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands
• Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !
• NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one
• JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash
• How's my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL
• Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT
• root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is 'a_49qwXk'
• New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null
• Quake and uptime do not like each other
• Unix...best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038
• As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria -- Final Fantasy VIII
• Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo
• Unix is the only virus with a command line interface
• Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system
• How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down!
• God is real, unless declared integer
• I'm tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?
• Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue
• It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions
• Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward $$$
• If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery
• Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle
• Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption
• Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download
• I had a dream... and there were 1's and 0's everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!
• You sir, are an unknown USB device driver
• C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void